Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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