I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
