So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
