By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
