If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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