Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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