I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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