The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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