I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
