He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
