is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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