Pappa wants mamma naked
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
