so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
