I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
