i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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