This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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