I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
