Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
