I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
