You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
