If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
