I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
