I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
