either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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