whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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