New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
