so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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