Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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