Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
