best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
