I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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