I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
