I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
