dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
