Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
