I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
