No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
