yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
