I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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