I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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