I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
