He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
