Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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