You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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