you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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