So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
