It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
