There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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