my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
