So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
