We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
